Roger has gotten over our "fight." I can tell because he's stopped respecting my personal space while we sleep. He likes to lay his head on my shoulder while we sleep. This would be fine, actually really comfortable and nice if Roger didn't drool and snore. He snores right in my ear and drools all over my neck. I don't remember him doing that while he was going through withdrawal, and I had to sleep in the same bed with him then too. I wonder if he's just developed these habits or if they've gotten stronger or something. I might not have noticed them before because I was more focused on his shaking, vomiting, insomnia and paranoia...which if you think about it, is so much worse than snoring and drooling...so I don't know why I'm complaining.

It's actually kind of nice to wake up next to someone, even if nothing is happening. I mean, I haven't had anyone at all since Maureen, and I haven't had anyone to sleep with [not that way] since about 6 months before Maureen and I broke up. She never really stuck around towards the end of our relationship, which was a pity because the part about our relationship that I enjoyed the most was our "pillow talk" I guess...I don't know any other name for it.

Roger and I do talk before we go to bed. It's nice. And it isn't like I just wind up with him drooling on me in the morning. I guess it's partially my fault because I let him go to sleep with his head on my shoulder. I think I'm going to have to try and convince him that my chest is just as comfortable because if I wake up one more morning to the sound of Roger snoring and the feeling of a sticky neck I might go insane.

Ergh. In other news, Mimi seems to be readjusting well. She has her old job back and she's sleeping in the other room. I never realized how much I missed her until she actually came back. She was this wild and energetic presence in my and Roger's life, and then she was gone. But now she's back and everything seems to have more energy again. I'm glad she's living with us now. It's really nice for the loft to have more people. It was getting kind of stifling with just Roger and me. Now we have someone new to add to the mix. She feels like a younger sister to me and it's nice to have that sense of family again. I never felt that way at my own home.

The first time I actually discovered family was when Collins brought me here and then I brought Benny with me. All of us together were family. Collins, Roger, Benny, April and me. As much as I hate to say it, it feels as if April is back. I don't say that I hate it because I didn't like April, on the contrary, she was one of my favorite people. She had a certain something that I just thought could never be duplicated. And that's the reason I hate to say it. I can't believe that someone is replacing April to me, to Roger. We thought that that particular whole in our lives would never be filled again, but here comes this dancer, Mimi and she's starting to make things better again. She's taking April's place.

I think that April is one of the reasons that Roger isn't going to get back together with Mimi again. I think he feels that she's too much like April too. I'm afraid he doesn't want to hurt her memory though, and he also doesn't want the same thing to happen again. Mimi is strong though, stronger than April. She's tough. I think Mimi is going to be just fine.

I don't know if Roger is going to be though. It all depends on whether or not he ruins another one of my favorite sweaters with his saliva.

Well, Mimi is living with us now. I gave her my room and Roger and I are sharing, which is awkward because he's still sort of holding a grudge against me for not telling him about Mimi. Hopefully he'll be over it by the end of the month though. I don't know if I can stand sleeping in the same bed with him when while he's still being pissy. Anyway, he didn't want to put himself in a position where he would be tempted by Mimi. Sure, she's clean now and everything but he's afraid she'll leave again and he doesn't think it's fair to make her think that he loves her. He said that once she left he thought about her a lot but the only conclusion he could come to was that he just thought he loved her because it was new and all relationships at the beginning have that spark. He told me a while ago that he was in love with someone else, someone that he could never have. I never realized that he was still holding onto April after all this time. I guess he'll never be the same again. I don't blame him though. They were really in love. We all just knew that they would be the couple to last. We were wrong though. We were wrong again about him and Mimi, I guess. He's still hung up on April.

I don't really know the point of this post. I just needed to blow off some steam or something I guess. I hope Roger completely gets over himself soon (although I doubt it). Him grumbling at me every night before we go to bed is getting old, fast.

Well, I accidentally let is slip that Mimi is back in town. Roger is sulking in his room now playing Musette's waltz as loudly as he can. He knows that it annoys me when he plays it over and over again. Especially when it's this loud. We've had complaints from the neighbors. They keep knocking on the door and bitching at me. That's probably another part of Roger's punishment. He knows that I hate being yelled at. The guy in the loft next to us has been by three times already. I'm beginning to think that he gets off on making me stutter an apology in between his "tell your fucking boyfriend to shut the fuck up,"s. I gave up trying to convince him that Roger wasn't my boyfriend after the first time he came over.

I guess I sorta deserve him being a little pissy at me, but he could at least turn it down some. I mean it isn't like I've known she was back for that long. I could understand him being this mad if I had known for months and been secretly meeting up with her and talking about him and doing lunch and crap. I haven't though. I've barely known that Mimi was back for that long and I haven't spoken to her at all except for the messages she's left on my journal. I was trying to do a good thing. I thought it would be better if Roger found out from Mimi herself instead of from me. I didn't want him to be mad that he hadn't found out straight from her. I guess my plan backfired.

Be back in a second. Another angry neighbor is pounding on the door.

Back.

Why are they all pissed at me? It isn't my fault that Roger is being a dickhead. I went and knocked on his door and asked him to "please keep it down a little. The neighbors are getting really mad." He stopped for a second and then told me to fuck off. I wish he would not make everything my fault for once. I hate that.

Mimi, if you read this then you should probably hurry up and tell Roger that you're back in town. I'm really, really sorry that I let it slip, but the longer you wait the more Roger is going to sulk. And just so you know, he's probably going to be really pissed off when you do tell him because of me. Again, I am really sorry.

Wow, I know that I haven't updated in a while but it's been extremely hectic here. Roger and I really needed some flow so I took one of the jobs that Buzzline has been kicking around for a while. I spent most of my week following several teenage girls from a ballet company around and basically documenting their life. It was an experience, to say the least. Roger tagged along with me a few of the days until we realized that the girls weren't being themselves because they were so enamored with Roger. It was pretty funny. Every time he was around they would giggle and blush. Are all teenagers like that? If so, then I hope I never have to be in close proximity to one again...although I doubt I will get that wish.

Joanne and Maureen have decided that they can't wait any longer to adopt. They want their child to know her uncle Roger and Aunt Mimi. As strange as it is for me to think of them rushing this because Roger and Mimi might die soon...I get it. As wonderful as Angel was...Maureen and Joanne's child wont ever know her. They are on the waiting list right now for a baby and if there are none young enough in a few months then Maureen has decided that they would be better off if they just got a black donor and Maureen carried the baby. I'm glad that they've finally decided that they're going to stay together. They're good for each other.

In other news, Roger is playing stuff other than Musetta's waltz. It's good too. I think it's a lot better than what he played before. That stuff was all fast and fleeting. This stuff is slower and heavier. His voice is deeper now for some reason and although it seems sad...it's hopeful. I'm really bad at explaining stuff like this, but I'm sure you'll hear him sometime. He's getting the band back together...or what's left of it. Dan is still alive and is clean now...and then there's the other guy. I can't quite remember his name. I only met him once, but it started with a "T" maybe. I think that Roger might play some of his new songs at the Life. We really need the money and he's said that he feels bad making me have to film ballet troupes and pageants to make ends meat. I told him not to worry about it, but he said that making money again actually feels good. After the day in the park he felt better that he could pay for my dinner instead of me scrounging up the cash to pay for his. I think that he's finally getting better.

Well, I didn't really do anything yesterday except walk around the park and film stuff. I was able to drag Roger around with me for a little while but he got tired of walking around. Instead of walking around with me he went and laid under a tree all day long with his guitar and played. He made about 25 dollars, which we spent at the Life for dinner. All in all it was a pretty uneventful day. My mother didn't even call, wonder of wonders.

Well, I went out to lunch with Maureen today. I thought it was going to be just us because she wouldn't let me bring Roger along. It wasn't though. She brought that girl she said wanted to go out with me. Cindy,Susan,Sara...something like that. It was terrible. Firstly, because she was a woman and just last night told Maureen that I've sworn off all women (besides Maureen herself if she decides to take me back, and only her because I don't know what's good for me). Secondly, she wasn't at all my type. She was quiet and meek. She barely talked the entire time we were there. I'm used to loud women (after all, I did date Maureen). Thirdly and lastly as soon as she saw me she leaned over and whispered that I wasn't at all what she was expecting, into Maureen's ear. That was all I needed to hear.

My long string of failure with women continues. And to top it all off, once I got back from this "spectacular" lunch date with Maureen and her friend, Roger couldn't even comfort me or anything like that. No, he just laughed. But, that's Roger for you.

Anyway, the point of this entire entry is to tell Maureen that I don't ever want to be set up with anyone she knows ever again. Not by her and not by anyone else. No match-making. Please.

My mom called a few minutes ago. She woke me up with her loud, jewish-mother voice. I think that was her plan. Well, she failed because I woke Roger up and made him take the call. I figured she might stop calling every three hours if she talks to someone (just as long as it isn't me).

I can hear Roger in the other room right now. He's telling my mom that we're doing well and how now that I have a job that we have enough money to get along. He's lying to her though. I quit my job a few weeks ago. I've been singing on street corners for money. Roger isn't the only one with a voice, you know. We don't really need much money though because we don't have to pay the rent anymore, thanks to Benny. All we have to do is scrounge up enough money to go grocery shopping every few days and to buy Roger a pack of cigarettes a week maybe. So I guess he isn't totally lying. We are doing well...just not as well as he is making it out to be.

Hold on, Roger is calling me......

....back. Roger just hung up with my mother and wanted to make sure that I know I owe him big time for taking the Jewish-Guilt-Trip bullet for him. He also wants me to know that my mom said "Even though your father didn't call you, he missed you on his birthday." We both had a quick laugh over that. There is no way that he missed me. I wouldn't be caught dead calling him or, god -forbid, heading over there to see him. Besides, I had a much better time with Roger at the art gallery than I ever could have had with my father.

Alright, I have to go. Roger wants me to listen to his new song. I am so happy for him.

Well, just like the title says, I got Roger out of the loft! Joanne wanted me to go with her to one of her friend's art shows. She thought that I would really enjoy it. She had taken Maureen the other day to the opening and Maureen had told her that I used to be into, and I quote, "all this artsy, fartsy shit." How elegant. Anyway, I agreed to go and I was somehow able to drag Roger around with me. When we got there Joanne was really excited to see Roger outside again and even though he looked a little uncomfortable around even the few people that were milling about, I was able to talk him into going in.

The gallery was amazing. It was small but in this case, size didn't matter. You could tell that the artist was so passionate about her work. It was amazing. Even Roger was really enjoying himself. We talked about how we used to go to places together. I would drag him out with me to art galleries and independent film showings and in turn he would take me with him to all these sleazy little bars where really great unknown bands would play. We had so much fun. Maybe this was the beginning of us starting again.

I kept walking around the gallery and looking at the paintings. They were all watercolors. I ended up walking back around to where we had started and noticed that Roger was standing at one of the paintings with a pamphlet about the artist in one hand and a pen in the other. He was fervently scribbling and bobbing his head to some invisible beat. That could only mean one thing. Roger was writing a song. I went over to Joanne, who was checking the price of one of the larger works and pointed out Roger.

"Joanne, thank you so much for this. Something over there has obviously inspired him and if it weren't for you, he wouldn't even be here to see it," I said before kissing her on the cheek.

She laughed at me. "It's not a problem Mark. Actually, I am taking it upon myself to get you two out more. I'm glad you could get Roger to come with you. He looks happier."

Joanne was right. He was happier. He is happier. Right now he's in the other room practicing the chords to whatever song he was writing earlier today. I'm glad. He finally seems to be moving on.

Roger is playing Musetta's Waltz and it is driving me nuts. He's been at it for hours and if he doesn't stop soon then I might just have to throw myself off of the fire escape. This isn't the first time I have contemplated taking that action.

I really don't have much to say except that Collins is away again. He has another job at another university. There's been so many I've lost track. Roger has gotten over Mimi leaving, for the most part anyway, except for a few random, melancholy days.

My mother is calling more and more frequently the closer my father's birthday gets. She wants me to cal and wish him a happy one but I could really care less and don't plan on doing it. I doubt he's going to miss me if I don't call. Cindy and her husband will be there to take up all of his time. He wont even think of me if she’s there. He always liked her better anyway. She’s the perfect little homemaker. She’s been married for five years, has five kids, and from what I’ve heard is pregnant with the sixth. Hasn’t she ever heard of birth control or condoms? That many kids is just suicide.

Speaking of kids, Maureen and Joanne are thinking that they might want to adopt a kid in a year or two. I’m not sure why they are discussing it this early unless Joanne is still afraid Maureen is cheating on her and wants to set a long term goal to hopefully make Maureen remember that Joanne is the one who loves her and wants to spend the rest of Maureen’s life with her. Huh. Maybe I should have tried the long term goal technique. She might not have left me…

Oh, thank god. Roger is playing something besides that god awful waltz. For now at least. Hmm…whatever it is sounds new. That’s a surprise. Roger hasn’t played anything new since Mimi left for rehab and school. I kinda want to go out and ask if Roger is writing a new song or if it is just an old one that I don’t remember, but it isn’t as if he plays those much either. He says they remind him too much of drugs and April. Either way though, he sounds really good and I don’t want to break his concentration. Maybe I’ll just stay in here for awhile.